Pickle's Towing, Salvage and Destruction / PTSDBOYS

Manifesto of Pickle’s Towing, Salvage, and Destruction: The Badass Gospel of the ‘Verse

Listen up, you glorious bastards of the Star Citizen universe! We are Pickle’s Towing, Salvage, and Destruction, and we’re here to fuck shit up, make bank, and leave a trail of scrapped hulls and blown-up egos across the goddamn galaxy. This is our motherfucking manifesto, our middle finger to the prissy corpos, pirate wannabes, and every other limp-dick outfit cluttering up the stars. Buckle up, because we’re about to lay down the law of the ‘verse, Pickle-style.

Who the Fuck We Are

We’re the grimiest, loudest, most unapologetic crew of salvagers, tow-truckers, and boom-stick enthusiasts this side of Stanton. We don’t sip fancy-ass cocktails in Origin 890 Jumps or kiss corporate ass for contracts. We’re the ones elbow-deep in the guts of a wrecked Caterpillar, ripping out anything that ain’t nailed down, towing stranded dumbasses back to port, and blowing the shit out of anyone stupid enough to cross us. Our ships—Drake Vultures, Aegis Reclaimers, and whatever else we can hotwire—are our tools, our homes, and our goddamn war machines.

Our Creed: Tow It, Scrap It, Blow It

Towing: Got a ship fucked up beyond repair in the middle of Pyro’s shitstorm? We’ll hook that sad-ass wreck and drag it back to civilization, probably while roasting the dipshit who thought they could outrun a pirate swarm. No job’s too messy, no wreck’s too fucked.

Salvage: We’re the vultures of the ‘verse, baby. Every derelict hull, every shattered Starfarer, every forgotten outpost is our fucking buffet. We strip ships cleaner than a Vanduul’s kill zone, turning scrap into credits and chaos into profit. If it’s broke, it’s ours.

Destruction: Cross us, and you’re fucked. Try to steal our salvage? We’ll turn your shiny ship into a goddamn firework show. We pack missiles, multicrew turrets, and a whole lotta “fuck you” attitude. If you’re in our way, you’re space dust.

Why We Do This Shit

The ‘verse is a brutal, beautiful mess, and we fucking love it. While the UEE jerks off to bureaucracy and the corpos polish their egos, we’re out here living free, laughing loud, and making credits on our terms. We don’t give a rat’s ass about your crimestat, your politics, or your feelings. We’re here to carve our name into the stars, one salvaged wreck and one obliterated asshole at a time. This ain’t just a job—it’s a goddamn lifestyle.

Our Rules (Fuck Rules, But Here’s Some Anyway)

Don’t Be a Dickhead: Loyalty to the crew comes first. You fuck over a Pickle, you’re getting a missile up your ass and a one-way ticket to the void.

Get Your Hands Dirty: No one’s too good to wrench a hull or tow a wreck. You wanna roll with us? Grab a multitool and start scrapping, you lazy fuck.

Laugh at the Bullshit: The ‘verse will try to screw you—lag, crashes, pirates, you name it. We laugh, we cuss, we keep going. Whining’s for bitches.

Blow Shit Up Right: If you’re gonna light someone up, make it count. No half-assed fights. We go hard or we go home.

Share the Booze: Credits, loot, and stories get shared. So does the whiskey. Don’t be that fucker who hogs the good shit.

Our Promise to the ‘Verse

We’re not here to save the galaxy or some sappy-ass nonsense. We’re here to tear it apart and make it ours. Every wreck we salvage, every ship we tow, every asshole we blast is a middle finger to the system that says you gotta play nice to win. We don’t play nice. We play dirty, we play loud, and we play to fucking win.

Join us, and you’re not just joining an org—you’re joining a revolution of foul-mouthed, hard-hitting, credit-chasing lunatics who live for the thrill of the ‘verse. We’ll teach you to strip a hull, tow a wreck, and blow up anything that moves. You’ll laugh, you’ll cuss, you’ll make bank, and you’ll never fly alone.

How to Join the Chaos

If you’ve got the balls (or ovaries) to run with us, hit us up on Discord. Tell us why you’re not a complete fuck-up and what you bring to our shitshow. Got a Reclaimer? You’re already our favorite bastard. Got nothing but grit and a bad attitude? That’s enough to start. We’ll hook you up with the crew, the ships, and the know-how to fuck up the ‘verse in style.

Pickle’s Towing, Salvage, and Destruction: We tow the wrecks, we scrap the hulks, and we blow the fuck out of anything that pisses us off. Join the madness, motherfuckers!

Preamble: We’re a bunch of badass, foul-mouthed fuckers who tow wrecks, scrap shit, and blow up anything that pisses us off. Led by Captain Icepickle, scarred by Banu bastards, we run this outfit with balls and booze.

Rules:

Loyalty, Motherfucker: Stick with the crew or get spaced. No snitching to the UEE or anyone else.

Share the Booty: Credits and salvage split fair—Captain gets first cut, rest divided among the mad bastards.

Fight or Fuck Off: Every job’s a brawl—tow, salvage, or destroy. Weaklings get spaced.

No Mercy: Pirates, wrecks, or regs in our way? Blow ‘em to hell.

Raise Hell: Drink hard, swear harder, and keep the ‘verse fearing our flag.

Purpose: Haul shit, scrap shit, and fuck up anyone dumb enough to cross us. Profit’s the goal, chaos is the game.