3 members
BOOTY THUMPERS / BOOTYTHUMP
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Freelancing -
Resources
Join the Booty Thumpers – Where the booty is always bountiful, the thumpin’ never stops, and the little guy always gets a cut!
Must have a mullet to join our band of merry Booty Thumpers!History
The origins of the Booty Thumpers are shrouded in myth, misinformation, and more than a few spilled mugs of space rum. Some say they were founded by a disgraced hairdresser named “Big” Barry Mulletman, who was exiled from Earth for crimes against fashion (specifically, the invention of the “triple-stacked mullet”). Others claim they were the result of a drunken dare between a group of bored miners on Daymar, who decided to see who could loot the most valuable cargo in a single night.
Whatever the truth, one thing is certain: the Booty Thumpers quickly gained notoriety for their daring heists, their outrageous fashion sense (mullets are mandatory, the bigger the better), and their surprisingly generous philanthropy. They became known as the Robin Hoods of the ‘verse, stealing from the mega-corporations and showering the poor and downtrodden with a portion of their spoils.
Of course, their antics haven’t always gone smoothly. There was the time they accidentally stole a shipment of live space slugs, which promptly escaped and wreaked havoc on the Stanton system. Or the time they tried to infiltrate a Hurston Dynamics facility disguised as cleaning robots, only to be foiled by their inability to navigate stairs. And who could forget the infamous “Great Mullet Heist of 2948,” where they attempted to steal the Emperor’s prized hairpiece (it was a really, really impressive mullet)?
Despite their misadventures, the Booty Thumpers have become a legend in the Star Citizen universe. They are a symbol of rebellion, generosity, and the enduring power of a good mullet. So the next time you see a ship with a giant, feathered hairstyle painted on its hull, raise a glass to the Booty Thumpers. They may be a bunch of misfits, but they’re our misfits.
Manifesto
Article I: The Right to Thump
All sentient beings have the inalienable right to thump booty. Big booty, small booty, hidden booty, glowing booty – it’s all fair game. This right shall not be infringed upon by any government, corporation, or overly-attached space slug.
Article II: Mullets are Mandatory
No self-respecting booty thumper shall be seen without a glorious mullet. The bigger, the better. Bonus points for feathers, glitter, and bioluminescent extensions. Bald is beautiful too, as long as you’ve got a kickin’ rattail.
Article III: Rob from the Rich, Give to the… Well, Mostly Us
We believe in economic justice, sort of. We liberate the obscene wealth of the 1% and distribute it… amongst ourselves. Okay, fine, we give a small percentage to the poor. But hey, we gotta cover fuel costs and hairspray, right?
Article IV: Spaceships are for Sharing (After We Steal Them)
We believe in the communal ownership of spaceships, especially the really expensive ones with the fancy leather interiors. Finders keepers, losers weepers. But if you cry really hard, we might let you ride shotgun.
Article V: Explosions are Encouraged
Explosions make everything better. If in doubt, blow it up. Just try not to hit any hospitals or orphanages. Or, you know, do whatever you want. We’re pirates, not babysitters.
Article VI: Always Look Good While Doing It
Never sacrifice style for substance. Always coordinate your flight suit with your ship’s paint job. And remember, a good pair of space boots can make or break an outfit.
Article VII: Never Take Yourself Too Seriously
We’re space pirates with mullets, for cryin’ out loud! Life’s too short to be serious all the time. So grab your laser pistol, crank up the 80s music, and let’s go thump some booty!
Join the Booty Thumpers today! We offer competitive compensation (mostly in stolen goods), flexible hours (mostly at night), and a fantastic dental plan (if you can find a dentist in space).
Disclaimer: The Booty Thumpers are not responsible for any loss of life, limb, or dignity that may occur while thumping booty. Thump at your own risk. Mullets not guaranteed to attract mates.
Charter
Preamble:
We, the Booty Thumpers, a ragtag band of spacefaring misfits, pirates, and hairstyle enthusiasts, do hereby establish this Charter to guide our plundering, philanthropy, and pursuit of perfect mullets.
Article I: Membership
Mullet Mandate: All members must sport a magnificent mullet. No exceptions. (Exceptions may be made for particularly impressive mohawks or beehive hairdos.)
Bootyliciousness: A keen eye for treasure and a thirst for adventure are essential.
Sharing is Caring (Sometimes): Members are expected to share a small portion of their loot with the less fortunate (after we take our cut, of course).
No Jerks Allowed: Leave your ego at the airlock. We’re a team, and we don’t tolerate bullies, backstabbers, or people who use “moist” as an adjective.
Mandatory Fun: Having a good time is non-negotiable. If you’re not laughing, you’re doing it wrong.
Article II: Conduct
Thou Shalt Not Kill (Unless Absolutely Necessary): We prefer to stun our enemies and leave them stranded in space wearing nothing but their underwear. It’s more humiliating that way.
Explosions are Awesome (But Use Your Best Judgment): Blowing stuff up is encouraged, but try not to destroy anything too important (like hospitals, schools, or ancient alien artifacts).
Respect the Mullet: Never disrespect another member’s mullet. Compliments are mandatory. Insults will result in a mandatory dance-off.
Don’t Be a Space Karen: No complaining, whining, or demanding to speak to the manager. We’re pirates, not customers.
Always Look Fabulous: Coordinate your outfit with your ship’s paint job. Accessorize with stolen jewels and laser pistols. Remember, fashion is the ultimate weapon.
Article III: Booty Distribution
Finder’s Keepers (Mostly): Whoever finds the booty gets the biggest share. But don’t be greedy. Remember, sharing is caring (sometimes).
The Captain’s Cut: The Captain gets a slightly larger share because, well, they’re the Captain. Don’t question it.
Charity Begins at Home (Or Somewhere in Space): A small percentage of all loot will be donated to a worthy cause (preferably one that involves rescuing space puppies or funding intergalactic karaoke competitions).
Article IV: Amendments
This Charter can be amended at any time by a majority vote of the members, provided that the amendment does not violate the Mullet Mandate or the principle of Mandatory Fun.
By joining the Booty Thumpers, you agree to abide by this Charter (or at least pretend to). So grab your mullet, polish your laser pistol, and get ready to thump some booty!
