UEE / MICHELIN

COOK. THE. VERSE.
Welcome to the real kitchen, spacelad.
This ain’t your mama’s meal bar on Port Olisar.
This is 2954. This is the ‘verse.
And it’s hungry.

So you think you can cook?
Can you boil soup in zero-g with a plasma torch while your Cutty’s hull is literally on fire?
Ever served fusion dumplings to a Banu caravan while dodging ATC fines on Lorville?
Know how to julienne a Hurstonian rootbulb without losing a finger?

No?

Good.
Because we’ll teach you.
We’re not just foodies.
We’re chefs. We’re pilots. We’re flavor assassins.
We cruise jump points with spice racks, dodge pirates with meatballs mid-braise,
and drop full-course critiques faster than a Gladius out of QT.

We don’t taste the stars.
We cook them.

Who the hell are we looking for?
Someone bold enough to deep-fry on Daymar

Someone dumb enough to sous-vide next to a reactor core

Someone weird enough to ask, “What does Vanduul meat really taste like?”

What you’ll do:
Travel the ‘verse armed with only a fork, frying pan, and questionable morals

Sneak into black market kitchens and five-star orbital towers

Rate meals based on taste, technique, risk-of-death, and presentation under gunfire

Upload reviews from your mobiGlas (or scribble them in blood, up to you)

Equipment we recommend:
Helmet-mounted flavor analyzer (spit not included)

Ship with a working kitchen (microwaves are war crimes)

A good blade (for cooking or self-defense)

Culinary insurance (we don’t cover digestion-related explosions)

What’s in it for you?
Michelin-Umbra badge (acts as a high-pass in most UEE systems)

Diplomatic immunity in some places

Free meals, questionable drinks, and access to “The Folded Fork”

Your name carved in history. Maybe literally. Into someone’s bar counter.

STILL HERE? THEN SIGN UP, YA STIRRING SPOON.
Go to your nearest comms terminal and uplink: CookTheVerse://2954

Pass the spicy certification trial

Receive your Red Apron and official spatula

Get dropped into the fire, pan optional

MICHELIN-UMBRA SYNDICATE
“Some explore the stars. We sauté them.”
“Food is temporary. Glory is medium-rare.”