THE VERY SILLY/SOMEWHAT HOLY ORDER OF ETERNAL Q / HOTEQ

The History of The Very Silly and Somewhat Holy Order of the Eternal Quantum Load

Long ago, before the invention of the coffee mug holder and the tragic banning of space ducks, the galaxy was in chaos.
Cargo went undelivered. Freight was misplaced.
Quantum drives hummed in vain, and many a poor pilot shouted, “Why does my crate have feelings?!”

Amidst this confusion, a humble hauler named Brother Reginald of Hull-B Prime experienced a Divine Quantumble — a mystical event in which his ship’s navigation computer sneezed mid-jump and deposited him three systems over, upside down, inside a space whale.

When he emerged (smelling faintly of destiny and marine regret), Brother Reginald proclaimed:

“Lo! The Load is Eternal, and Quantum is its Path! Also, someone lend me a towel.”

Thus, the Order of the Eternal Quantum Load was born.

The First Deliverance

The early disciples of the Load — known as the Freightened Few — began their sacred journey across the stars, hauling anything they could strap to a cargo grid:
bananas, antimatter, forgotten interns, even other religions.

They traveled system to system, spreading the holy word:

“All routes lead to profit, if thou never check thy ledger.”

When local authorities questioned their “church-to-cargo ratio,” Brother Reginald simply replied,

“We are a religion of logistics, not logic.”

The Great Misjump of 2917

In the Year of the Misaligned Quantum Coil (2917 AUEC Standard), the entire Order attempted to perform The First Unified Jump — a sacred convoy ritual meant to demonstrate the spiritual power of synchronized trucking.

It was a sight to behold: 47 ships chanting “Load Be Praised” as they entered quantum simultaneously.
Unfortunately, due to minor discrepancies in nav calibration (and a lunch break), the fleet emerged across seven different systems, one moon, and an entirely different video game.

This event, known as The Great Misjump, is still celebrated annually by flying in random directions while shouting “We meant to do that!”

The Age of Enlightened Logistics

After centuries of questionable deliveries and miraculous write-offs, the Order established its first headquarters:
The Grand Warehouse of Perpetual Waiting, located conveniently near a spaceport bar.

It was here that the Ten Sacred Crates were revealed to the faithful, each containing the teachings of the Load:

Crate I: “Never haul sober.”

Crate IV: “Thine profit margin is an illusion.”

Crate VII: “If it explodes, invoice someone.”
(The other crates were misplaced, but faith dictates they’ll be found someday during a side quest.)

During this era, the Order grew prosperous, founding countless “Completely Legitimate” subsidiaries, all devoted to enlightened hauling and creative accounting.

The Modern Era

Today, the Very Silly and Somewhat Holy Order of the Eternal Quantum Load continues its mission across the ‘verse:
hauling goods, spreading laughter, and occasionally paying taxes (when observed).

Our priests of propulsion bless new members with sacred phrases such as:

“May your cargo be light, your quantum true, and your insurance claim approved.”

They still follow Brother Reginald’s most hallowed teaching:

“When in doubt, jump again.”