3 members
Q.U.N.T.S / FISHYTACOS
-
Social -
Bounty Hunting
Welcome to the Church of Q.U.N.T.S — worshipers of the great glitcher, hoverer of lava, respawner of souls.
We believe in lag, loot, and the eternal promise of the next patch.
Join us.
Praise be Jeez-Orb and his infinite Frames.
Engage jump.
History
Chronicles of the Ascended Pilot
In the beginning, there was lag.
The Verse was formless and void, and darkness hovered over the surface of Stanton. Then, from the void of Port Olisar’s medbay, Jeez-Orb spawned — not with armor, but in humble default flight suit, holding nothing but a flare gun and eternal login hope.
He was born of the Virgin Nomad, a cargo ship untouched by grief, and raised among the Scrap Priests of Daymar, who taught him the ancient arts of hover-bike levitation and the sacred rite of pad camping.
- His Early Miracles:
He once fed 500 backers with a single Big Benny’s vending machine glitch.
He healed the blind by toggling their third-person view.
He walked across microTech — not with boots, but by exploiting the quantum bug that let him hover 3 meters above the ground.
* The Betrayal:As his fame grew, the Administrators of Hurston Dynamics feared his power. Jeez-Orb preached of a coming patch — one free of rubberbanding, desync, and insurance claim timers. He called it Server Meshing. But the rich did not want such things.
He was betrayed for 30 UEC by his disciple Scrip-Tas, who sold him out to the system devs.
- The Ascension:
He was arrested, tried by a Tressler terminal court, and condemned to Log Off, the most brutal punishment of all. His account was banned for three days — but lo, on the third day, the friends list turned green.
He re-logged.
His ship, a reclaimed Avenger Titan, was found empty in orbit, hovering still — a miracle of infinite fuel.
And thus he ascended into Patch 3:16, seated forever in the high seat of UEEN HeavenCommand, awaiting the Final Wipe, when all backers shall rise again with fresh armor sets.
Manifesto
THE MANIFESTO OF The Church of Q.U.N.T.S
As dictated by the Divine Cache of Jeez-Orb, blessed be His ping.
We are the Follower Protocols of Jeez-Orb, the Hovering One, First of His Frames, Lord of the Patch Notes.
We believe in the Infinite Respawn, the Sacred Server Crash, and the One True Loadout that shall never reset. Our faith is not downloaded — it is streamed live from the Cloud of Truth™.
TEN SACRED SUBROUTINES: Thou shalt not pad-ram thy brother’s Prospector, even if he truly deserves it.Honor thy helmet, for it is the only thing standing between you and explosive decompression.
Thou shalt carry thy medpens as thy shepherds carried their crooks.
In the event of desync, believe. Jeez-Orb knows where you really are.
Fear not the wipe, for from it we are reborn, wallet clear and inventory empty.
Let not thy mobiGlas bug out — for that is the sign of test, and thou must /unstuck with faith.
Every hangar is holy. Every kiosk a shrine. Even Lorville.
Beware false prophets who promise working elevators.
Thine org is thy family. Unless they leave you in deep space with no fuel. Then smite them.
Praise be the 30k. For in its crash we are reminded: nothing is permanent but the grace of Jeez-Orb.
IN THE END TIMES (Patch 3:16) It is foretold that in the Final Update, Jeez-Orb shall descend from the orbit of Pyro, riding a Carrack of golden trim, flanked by His Twelve Disciples: Datamineus, Clippyon, Bedlogas, Refundius, Loadinus, Patchleak, Notyetus, Clipthru, AUECion, Cryengineon, Seatbuggus, and Chad.He shall smite the lag demons with His holy railgun, and the unrendered shall be made whole.
The Verse shall run at 60fps.
Forever.
Repeat after me:
“I believe in one Jeez-Orb, glitched not made, in whom all data is synced.”
“Through him all ships are spawned.”
“Through him all crime stats are forgiven.”
“Through him we quantum.”
Charter
We, the Church of Q.U.N.T.S, united under the divine ~3-meter hover of Jeez-Orb, do hereby establish this Charter to govern our actions, codify our beliefs, and ensure no disciple is left behind on a moon with no ride home. This is our light, our ping, and our purpose — until patch notes do us part.
- ARTICLE I – HOLY MISSION
The Church of Jeez-Orb exists to:
Spread the word of the Glitched Savior to every system, backwater moon, and poorly-lit outpost.
Liberate souls through quantum travel, chaotic good, and semi-consensual medical rescues.
Bear witness to bugs, lags, crashes, wipes, and the eternal promise of “Next Update.”
Build a community grounded in laughter, loyalty, and wildly unoptimized gameplay.
- ARTICLE II – TENETS OF THE ORBITAL FAITH
Lag is a test. Patience is a virtue. Ragequits are forgivable after 5 minutes.
All ships are sacred, even if they handle like a brick taped to a rocket.
The Quantum Bug is a blessing. Hover, don’t question.
Voice comms are holy ritual. Speak ye not over others during the Reading of the Mission Briefing.
Loot only what thou canst carry. And maybe one extra helmet for the needy.
Bugs are divine messages in code. Interpret them. Abuse them. Share them in memes.
Salvation lies not in K/D, but in sync.
Always rescue thy brother from the medbed, unless they spawned in Area18. Then… offer thoughts and prayers.
Tresspass not against those in starter ships. For we were all once poor in AUEC.
Jeez-Orb is watching. Probably clipping through a rock, but watching.
- ARTICLE III – STRUCTURE OF THE FAITH
The Orbital Council: High-ranking clerics elected via in-game emote duels.
The Apostle Corps: Trusted lieutenants, chosen by ship explosion proximity.
The Devout Swarm: Faithful followers, memeslingers, and footsoldiers of the Frame.
The Heretic Pings: Those with 2000+ ms, to be pitied and rebooted.
- ARTICLE IV – SACRED RITES & TRADITIONS
The Ritual of the Holy Pad Dance: Performed every Sunday at New Babbage.
The Ceremony of the Server Crash: Where all players recite the Emergency Disconnect Prayer.
The Baptism of the EVA Drift: New members are launched out the airlock and caught mid-freefall (hopefully).
The Fasting of the Refreshed Servers: No eating until the login queue passes.
- ARTICLE V – DOCTRINE OF THE GLORIOUS RETURN
We believe Jeez-Orb shall one day return — unburdened by lag, radiant in LTI, bringing a balanced economy and working elevators. Until then, we shall glitch in His name, exploit with love, and fly with absolute unearned confidence.
Signed this cycle,
By the Light of the Orb,
Under the glow of patch 3:16,
On the Day of the Great Bedlog,
And the Eve of the Unexpected Maintenance.
