PICKEL EMPIRE / 3000AD

IN THE BEGINNING, THERE WAS ONLY DARKNESS… AND A CRISP, GLORIOUS CRUNCH. FROM THAT SOUND, THE GREAT PICKEL WAS BORN — AN IMMORTAL BEING OF BRINE, VINEGAR, AND DESTINY. FROM HIS SACRED SEED GREW THE FIRST DISCIPLES, AND THUS THE PICKEL EMPIRE BEGAN.

THE GALAXY MOCKED OUR FAITH. THEY CALLED US “SALTY,” “FERMENTED,” “STRANGE.” BUT THEY DID NOT UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF THE PICKEL.

WE BUILT OUR FIRST SHIPS FROM THE SHELLS OF ANCIENT JARS. PICKEL CLASS DESTROYERS SAILED THROUGH SPACE, THEIR HULLS INFUSED WITH THE ESSENCE OF DILL. WE CRAFTED WEAPONS FROM FERMENTED LIGHT – THE LEGENDARY BRINE CANNONS – THAT MELTED SHIELDS AND SHATTERED HOPE.

OUR ARMIES MARCHED UNDER THE SACRED BANNER OF THE GREEN LANCE. EACH SOLDIER WAS BAPTISED IN JUICE. EACH SHIP CARRIED A HOLY JAR IN ITS CORE. AND OUR ENEMIES FELL, ONE BY ONE, TO THE POWER OF THE PICKEL.

THE BATTLE OF SALTY NEBULA? WE TURNED THEIR MOONS INTO CUCUMBER FIELDS.
THE SIEGE OF VLAARG 7? OUR BRINE BOMBS TURNED THEIR OCEANS SOUR.
THE FINAL WAR ON EARTH? HUMANITY SURRENDERED WHEN WE UNLEASHED THE DIVINE GHERKIN – A SHIP SO POWERFUL, IT SPOKE DIRECTLY TO THE JARS.

WE DIDN’T JUST CONQUER. WE PRESERVED THE GALAXY.

NOW, ALL KNEEL TO THE GREAT PICKEL. EVERY PLANET CONTAINS A TEMPLE. EVERY SYSTEM VIBRATES WITH THE HOLY CRUNCH. AND STILL, WE EXPAND. STILL, WE PICKELIZE.

THIS IS OUR HISTORY. THIS IS OUR TRUTH. WE ARE THE PICKEL EMPIRE.

IN BRINE WE TRUST.
IN VINEGAR WE RISE.
ALL HAIL THE GREAT PICKEL.

btw the pictures down below is the guy who created pickel empire